Salvation, responsibility, spiritual pride and dignity

I want to talk about religion I am not a christian because I really do not care if Christ forgives me or not he is one person or God. What I want to know is that at the end of my life if I am found guilty that Mother Goddess will love me and visit me when I am serving time... I hope She will love and not cry for my blood and an eternity in Hell or worse a dissolution of my soul I want my Goddess to be a Peace pilgrim, a anti-death penalty but I also want Her to hold me responsible for my action I want rehabilitation and not blind forgiveness. I see too many people who view Christ as a co-dependent and passive-agressive God..Yes he will forgive you but do not get on his bad side... I grew up in a dysfunctional home and believe me there was not much fun just alot of gallows humour... I had crazy parents and inconsistency as a child I do not want to cleave myself to a God that emotionally unstable, judgemental and flies off the handle left and right...My parents did that to me and I am going the ask for a Karmic divorce the first chance get after I have paid my dues to humanity and the Goddess feels am ready to be a responsible adult child the keyword is adult... Neither as an adult do I need to have everybody believe everything I believe in about the divine or the world I just do not wish to swallow your beliefs forcibly and have various religious manuals thumped into my consciousness, I like to have diverse reading material.. I have no need to be saved.... I must learn to get out of my messes myself saving me will only enable my soul to continue misbehaving I need motherly unconditional love and guidance that Mother Goddess can give me. When a God saves you and needs to forgive it means that you did something that has ruined relationship with that God and he no longer trusts you to be responsible.. Sorry that means you have to jump hoops for that God's love and that I told you so is always hovering in the background... I know Mother Goddess loves me and will always be there with the right advice and care ... because despite my mothers lunacy when the shit hit the fan she was always there to try in her dysfunctional way to help and though I never want to live another life as my parents child I wouldn't mind if my mother was my homes....