MANTRA MADNESS

Sometimes in one life one must try to change the course of energy flowing around one..One can spend one's life fighting the current and living the spiritual and emotional life of a salmon going up river, exciting but emotionally draining.. or go with the flow..In the past weeks as I as was volunteering I met personable people that seemed nice a friendly and people that you would like to hang with..But for some reason that veneer of hearty friendliness disappears when you tell them you are a Buddhist forget about telling them you are pagan..I have used the Buddhist dodge to get out of church invitations..But this time I used the unitarian clause and that did not help It seems many people do not view them a christians. Of course I got pinned down until I said jesus could be savior and lord and I was let go of the verbal headlock that I was in..obviously they missed the word could..But since you are a opinionated sow why did you not just rip their theology apart Sonia???one reason only these people were related to business associates and that left one open to a try at forced indoctrination..But Sonia is that not a overeaction to the event, no when a person doesnot wish to talk about religion and you force it on them it is a try at indoctrination and also to hear themselves talk about god and go on and on kissing divine butt. I do not convert people because I believe everyone needs to learn at their rate. The pagan path is so unpopular to the mainstream monotheists that I really do not find converting people to paganism a kind act especially to young people...To become Wicca or pagani means to lose one place in the real world and to be open to nastiness by ignorant Monotheists and from were I am sitting there are a lot of them skulking in the bushes with the other boogeymen of society. But more enlightened people say that there are enlightened christians, I wonder how enlightened they would be if they were around a Pagani in a crisis of faith would the gloves be on or off. but I have decided having look through my portable book of shadows and finding a Mantra in sankrit that I will be concertrating on to tap into the vibration of universal friendship. I figure it will either change me or the tenor of the people around me... of course if it changed me I would have to give up bitching about christians and other monotheistic patriarchal religions and become part of the silent majority that allows them to behave inconscionably. the mantra is OM MITRAYA NAMAHA.

Ah Harry we thought we knew you well

Well Harry the supposed rebel the Pied Piper leading scores of children to Hell is now known to be Christian..Why so because a quote on a headstone and a Mother's sacrifice? Suddenly Harry is so christian because his mother sacrfices her life for him..Harry is Christian, sorry kids, no help in subverting the world order from him..There are other aspects of the story that have a christian flavor..But this self-congratulatory belief that only chirstians can and want to sacrifice for love shows the superior attitude they have when judging themselves before others...There are many a story amongst many religious folk of sacrfice love, undying loyalty these are not strictly christian traits that they have a monopoly on. My Husband once explaining to a Korean couple his beliefs system and what is expect of him in his daily relationship with people..Needed to keep reiterating that he is pagan Odinist as the couple kept telling him He was christian in his beliefs. I guess what my complaint is that there is a great deal of self-congratulatory pats on the back when christians explain their philosophy and belief system to others, and among their naive a great deal of credulousness when they learn yes pagan gave gifts..Yes yellow people believe in heaven and can be moral..My personal observation from childhood is that my Buddhist family member had a greater degree of personal humility than my christian relations. About ancient Pagan Philosophy and religion not much is known and there is a reason for this as in 5th, 6th and 7th century a concerted effort was made to destroy competing religious and Philosophical thought with the state religion. Another reason If you burn the works of all the writers you plagiarized then You take over the idea lock, stock and barrel. Ovid was not the only Pagan writer to complain about the plagiarizing of popular pagan work by Early Christian writers it seems to be a common complaint of writers of the era. All we have left is some pagan philosophers works maybe only been saved because an Abbot like the work. with the coming of state religion came the loss of secular education and with it scientific inquiry. Many works were lost most of the male philosophers work and all of the female philosophers work were lost and yes there were female philosophers all that is left of them is Sappho and I doubt the if she was not a poetic genuis with the big plus of appealing to men's girl on girl action fantasies she would have gone the way of the ancient female writers consign to some long distant bonfire. I sometimes get an Buddhist Idea that I should stop bashing the followers of jesus and then they write something or say something so unconsciously arrogant, but look at you with hurt eyes when you call them on it ...Because the assumption that they are superior simply because they have the joy of knowing christ so ingrained and it is found in their liberals that so-called natural superiority that their religion is the light. I am of the belief that liberal christians are the minority..Oh maybe not on the left coast but everywhere else they are. I am a great believer in learning from the past and taking people on their word..The last devout christian I talked to would not leave me alone until I said I believe that christ could be Lord and saviour luckily they did not hear could and this in a work setting..I hear there is supposedly a liberal bunch of them I personally have never met any of them that would personally take down one of their own verbally when they are harrasing a person politely.. The last one who did in front of me was me, I was protecting a jew and a buddhist but then I am no longer a liberal christian because they are not the people running the religion and I sadly do not believe that christ existed I believe he is a dream within a dream within an illusion so mercurial that no one will ever know his reality. merrie part from the hinterlands...

ode to uncertainty

I grew up in the christian faith and I learned growing up that the worst thing I could have was doubt( the explantion was that it usually had a satanic origin). I was taught that the greatest gift was faith and the best faith to have was absolutist faith..Since I was a very skeptical child I had to hear ad nauseum stories of faith, proverbs about faith, pray innumerous prayers for faith.. None of this worked because I could never understand Why none of the miracles of the past can be recreated today by devoted saint-like persons and also why people who talk to jesus nowdays are placed in mental health facilities and sedated..Treatment that as a child I grew to believe would have help ancient humankind a great deal if it was used on various prophets because many of them seemed to need a good dose of thorazine, especially when they went on and on about women. I am in my forties, now I truely believe that the greatest gift that the universe can give a person is doubt..Doubt is at the beginning of every scientific quest and every philosophical endeavour, without it we would still be in the dark ages thinking fish were created by water. I pray that in every life I have in the future I have doubt and Disillusion for instead of being negative in life they are the whips that spur one to learn and discover..It has always been doubt that caused me to go the library and learn if something is true..I do not nowdays trust anyone who tells me not to doubt to have faith in things, my body, mind and spirit say are not so. I especially do not and will never trust anyone who says to me "Let me have faith for you" what they are saying is "I will do your thinking for you, Liebchen"..I think that phrase is the spookiest I ever heard from a Monotheist. It makes me still shudder and recoil mentally. When I was small I was a devout girl, one is always a true believer before evolving into a skeptic, but modern religion has a huckster quality around it, that I found at odds with The Ideals of spirituality. As a young person I came to believe that the maintream religion had 1600 plus year to change the world and it seemed they still needed to convert every body instead of changing the behauviour of their parishioners which was scandalous most of the time. After going to college and studying socio-paradigms I came to the socialist view that religion is a construct to control the masses and allow the powerful to stay in power..ONe only needs to look at the pope who is more concerned with destroying the power of disobediant catholic politicians than having poor catholics vote for politicians that have their best interests at heart, a bit like muslims voting the way the iman wants them to. It is easy to see why people hate religion, It is really rarely Jesus that people hate. It is the political and social entities that sprang up around him that people are uncomfortable with..I had a friend who is christian ask me why people of my ilk do not trust christian institutions and the overly religious with power..I believe that the christian takeover of rome and the dark ages has alot to do with it..As well as the continued propganda tactics christian institutions and their apologists use..Dissembling, disinformation and distortion of facts that would make a communist propagandist mute from awe and envy. But to get back to doubt, certainty is the hobgoblin of creativity and doubt that is treated like a bastard child by faith is truely a virtue..I never heard any one say that their doubt is the greatest doubt on earth and turn around and kill scores of people to prove it true I have seen people of faith do that in stories of the past and in the present..So I view doubt as a blessing may more people be blessed with it.. merrie part from the hinterlands, blessed be.

to be home again

to be home again in small ways and large can home be returned to after childhood gone and parental demise is that home or is it a illusion, a detention center of ones youth, the place that one spends ones life recovering from, the trenches is one forever to return to a past. that long ago is gone forever looking backward as though it is a cup of tea well drank and all is left but tea leaves that one would study and divine and in them find the answer of what did happen in that home amongst that past, is it the future we divine or is that past that we wish to exorcise and replace what answer will be found in black teas leaves from faraway land what answer will be found in past long ago times may be what is a home and where is it.

A strange Pieces of belief

WEll I finished reading the book A strange Piece of Paradise and I want to buy it and re-read it for the deep insights of the writer..Having been a victim of criminal acts prepetrated on me as a child and an adult I could see and Identify with her quest..I just disagree with the need to believe that evil is born in some people and the need to see it as supernatural force in the criminals life..Most criminals are raised in mainstream religion..A good percentage in devout families their problem are not from not enough good religion but too much religion stagnating their younger lives causing rebellion..I believe if a person is born evil that they are not responsible for their actions..people choose to be a perpetrator 70% of the people sentenced to the state penn on a assortment of crimes never go back after they are released from prison..These people after being punished choose not to prey on people again, they learned their lesson..THe prison population has a great deal of religious people in those cells and all of them blame satan for their problems except that miraculous 70% that accept responsibility and learn from their mistakes...

There are people from good families that lack empathy and hurt things, animals and people because even good people can teach children that others do not matter whether it is the maid or the unsaved or those sluts that want to date my boys..A psychologically well family does not often produce a sociopath but alot of good families are not psychologically well..Just because the family, the parent are personable does not mean that their raising of a child is right..I now alot of personable people who make their daughter sign abstinence pledges and yet are secretly proud and relieved when their teenage son gets laid...These are not Psychologically well people. They are morally ambigious if a child of theirs understands that, these people a have raised a child that has internalized the belief of entitlement of one child and the other is simply less than..No matter how much praying the family and child does they are in a precarious ethical development of the childs belief system.

I think that every one can be saved that someday we will have treatment for violent people as we treat schizophrenia and depression..But first we must stop the worship violence and using it as gratuitous entertainment..Maybe instead of eight people being murdered in a movie, Maybe the death of one could be used as a catalyst for an expose on the morality and causes of violent behavior and stop saying THe devil made him do it..

Merrie part from the provinces.

the picture is a reminder that soon winter will come and all will be cool.

the hell w/it

My partner is channel surfing as I blog and for a moment he touched on a channel with a show describing the SAtanist magic dabbling of some heavy metallist..Even as a teenager I could never really keep a straight face at the witnessing of the formerly demonic, that might be the reason I strayed from the 12-step fold, I always want to ask loudly,, What were you taking??..and how high were you?? I do not believe that one can be possesed by the Devil by reading Aleister Crowley...There are strick rules that supernatural entity has to follow, Possesion may only occur by the formal permission of said possesee.. Most people being exorcised need to really exercize their Goddess given freewill tell their nut-case religious-freakoziod family members to back off and get themselves to a psych ward.. THe popular and romantic myth of the possessed going for psychiatric help for years maybe decades and are then cured by the rite of exorcisism is bogus, bullshit...More often the family, nuttier than a fruitcake, cannot admit or allow themselves to comprehend the person under the supposed demon's spell is really Mentally ill, because it would explode all the family myths and delusions of normalcy...The only thing SAtanic in America is the way we treat the mentally ill..And that churches as an institution collude with giving people that need anti-psychotics bogus religious relief and conveniently sell ridiculous stories that could have been proved true...if only satan had not made the camcorder not work. Believe me If satan was real he would probably be egomaniacal enough to want himself on camera and on primetime..not Joe-blow the Schizophrenic being psycologically abused by clergy and family..DEvils and Demon have little power on this realm...whereas people do have the power to say yea or nay..

A tale of two blogs

I have two blogs why I do not know..I had a vague reason that one I would vent my worst of times and in the other I would strive to work to uplift my spiritual side and be in denial and achieve spiritually numb state of my emotional, intellectual and reptile brain equivalent to being comfortably numb state in the Pink Floyd song. I have always thought that the buddhist state of equanimity was this comfortably numb state the way to nirvana was numbing relief of non engagement brought about by meditation induced endorphins..Something that narcotics and depressents give you after the euphoria and before the crush and the crash, the I do not give a Fuckedness feeling and attitude.. right now I am listening to the song as a teenager I believed that not feeling was the key that you had attain to achieve a state of divinity..It is one reason why charismatic religions scared me as a youth..And yet I now belong to a circle that loves drumming and ecstatic dancing.. and I like it because unlike the emotion brought on by the witnessing the guilt, the horror, the relief at redemption as a teenager I once felt it..Ecstatic dancing allows me to feel that moment before, feeling evolved, before thought, before consciousnes arises...The way we listened to Pink floyd while stoned there was a beauty as though the next deeper brain wave pattern would bring us face to face with God. In many ways Long distance running can bring that on the feeling. In fact I had almost ruined my right knee because I could not give up the need for speed it was not speed it was the feeling after the euphoria the fifteenth mile and the slide into the I do not give a Fuckedness... The recovery movement and the anti-drug czar keep dwelling on the horror of drug use(there are many) but are extremely reluctant to look at the fact that getting high is a experience that sometimes border on the most holy and high and all that from the skanky drug dealer on the corner. It is why we send addicts to pseudo-recovery programs that are simply revival meeting couched in psycho-babble hoping to repeat the connection to the divine achieved in the drug high. With the drug addicts and penitnent service may-be if they pray enough and meditate enough they will achieve addict equanimity the state of I Do NOt give a Fuckedness. May-be that is why they do not allow recovery addicts to have an opinion..To feel any outrage at social injustice..We all need to be smiling little emotionally repressed and guilted clones waiting for Hale Bop and the mothership. As a teenager and young adult when angry at parents and/or husband I would park on Pacific Highway above the SAnta Monica beach, and watch the tanker come in deliviering crude oil to the refineries further south, watch the container ships leave with american goods we manufactured things then in the USA, sometime a tramp steamer old and proud sail by of to the south seas may-be with the 70's version Jean Harlow hitching a ride. Ships and being numb sometimes were life's only proof that God exists and loves us. By trying to force spiritual experiences on people addicted to drugs physically and emotionally we do them a disservice and then always end up blaming the addict for their lack of recovery. When there really NEEDS TO BE to true concrete medical physical and psychological treatment for them..And maybe discover a physical activity that can help create a comfortably numb feeling.. Oh but that would take concerted indivividual treatment when it so cheaper and expedient to send the addict to a free 12-step meeting. merrie part from the hinterlands

Attitude of gratitude

Well I think that I must find a few moments of gratitude..I thank the Goddess for my excursion in living in the bible belt with out it I would not have become a fearless pagan..I am thankful for my experience in the Marine corps without it I would not be a black-belt feminist(it broke me of the very feminine habit of being impressed by males)since that period of life I do not trust any orginization run by men..Especially an org. that says it has my welfare at heart. There is a reason why so many slang names for ineptitude orginate in the military amongst men they are masters at it. Which means that most thinking men are less impress with themselves and their achievements as a sex, than they would like natives(women and children) to know.

I love reading bigoted people trying to stick to the illusion of normal thought when pushing their chauvinism on others..Like ON Faith essay's on the need for pagan chaplains since, sorry fundies, there is a legitimate need for them..I am not one to tattle but I am a chauvinist when it comes to religion I prefer mine and with me it is My Goddesss mine, mine, mine. I cannot for the life of me want to contemplate any other way of worship..I also have an aversion to monotheistic religions may-hap in reaction to not being given a choice in what to believe as a youngster or may-be I read to many books on the forming of church philosophy and the influence of manicheasism and dualism on early church writing and thought..or may-be it was the relief after years of struggling with religion and athiesm and 12-step christianity being shoved down ones throat. I said I believe this and it does not include the Bible or Koran or a male god and garden of eden is bullshit..eve was framed...I realised I do not need to say I am sorry all the time because I am not part of the female cabal that caused to fall of man. They were uncoordinated enough to stumble on their own..

The old saying in vino veritas well in pagano veritas or whatever declination is valid. Life is hard but it can be enjoyed no one is going to zap you because you like ice cream or orgasms or what ever other small carnal pleasure that religion is hell bent on making everyone feel guilty about because guilt is a bigger money maker thay sex..There are whole holidays made from and drenched in guilt, mothers day and easter are two.

Well of being a Pagan lack of guilt about bodily functions and state of human grace or evil are a win, win. In a world that flaunt excess carnality and sexuality while demonizing it at the same time.

Familiarity and contempt

I had thought I was a liberal until I was told that liberal are tolerant and I am a cranky old opionated sow.. I am not a tolerant person after being 12 steperized and buddhafied and even told to grow up and forgive Christ by a supposed secular threrapist I still like to hold on to my little hate and angers... I was not raised to be tolerant and for decades I believed that the quest to be nice was my Holy Grail in life..My maternal influences in life were slightly less right wing than the Nazi-party which is shocking since my mother married and had children (including Myself with an asian man). I was lucky as a child I noticed the discrepancy between personal behavior and religious and political belief..Unfortunatley my other siblings are still in the dark about this. I am lucky that today I am still intolerant but I have learned to be discerning in my pet hatreds..I try not to hold anger and intolerance to minorites under fire by the status quo and the majority...I learned if you attack then do so of abusers of power and not the weak.. There are many people of a spiritual bent that believe that one must blog nice and to rant and rave and sarcastically carrying on is polluting the feelgood bubble that surrounds the earth..Sorry if my mother"s beliefs such as in the validity of the holocaust and the tri-lateral commision and the Rothchilds were not ridiculed I would still believe in the Scions of Zion elders, russian crap..I grew up watching buddhists as half of the family tree were praticising buddhists. Sorry their counrties are rife with woman hatred and oppression of the lower classes..Being nice works only when you want to get someone off your back...Being nasty is sometimes the only way to get through to an hypocrite.. marrie part from the hinterlands.

golden compass

well having kvetched about religion for a few blogs I want to say I am looking forward to see the Movie the Golden Compass a world in which ones daemon lives in the material world with one and works magic with one... A world dominated by a theocratic religion and with a girl-child as a savior and heroine..on there website one may find out the species of one's daemon...the daemon in this world is always the opposite in sex...I have been waiting to buy the books at the science fiction book club....Now I will wait until I see the movie... On monday I watched the new stephen king movie it was enjoyable as stephen king can be... Nothing is more frightening than his book in the 80's I stopped reading him because one of his books could induce insomnia and I need to sleep to go to work n' school or that is what I told myself when The Shining or the was it The Stand made his books verboten....Nothing could be more terrrifiying that when the Rock star character left a desolate and empty New York walking through the Lincoln tunnel unlite and full of rotting corpses. Or when the little boy would look and see the topiary garden change shape in scary quiet ways... So sitting and watching John Cusack go mano amano with a creepy hotel room was a joy... Merrie part from the hinterland and blessed be.

wiccan timeline

I just vented on the church taking 1900 years to discover women were people and owning people is not nice unless it is in a sweatshop full the deserving poor. Of course people are going to say Pagans Sacrificed Humans babies and Goddess Know assorted fauna and flora. That pagans owned slaves and kissed satan on the butt on the full moon..When it comes to brown-nosing monomaniacal religious people cannot point the finger.. YES, People in the past Did bad things and Sacrificed humans of assorted ages and faun and flora..evilbible.com will give biblical rules and regs on the killing for god of the mono's...Plus is not a soldier dying in a holy war a sacrfice to god. It does not matter at the end of the day neo-paganism is a new religion and Thank Goddess and a rationale religion that views women as individual human being not chattel, which rhymes cattle and is the same thing property. Despite people waxing poetic about the ancient religions they were not fullproof and enlightened about women and slavery...In using the Old Gods a templates and extrapolating the best that the classical world had to offer.... there is a chance to move forward and modernize Sprirtuality Make religion a force for enlghtenment and civil rights and human rights... Now all mono's that worked to better the world let us say that the way the monomaniacal religions are acting nowdays and the cowardice of liberals in these religions. What ever good they did was when their religions back was broken.. They accomplished good despite being montheistically inclined or to buy souls on the open market of charity.. Blessed be from the Hinterlands

today

I must say that I spent a good day surfin the net I have been lackluster in doing housekeeping. I must admit that my altar needs attention and so do my plants..this summer solstice was grand and wonderful for a whole 2 days I baked and cooked and brought to circle a good meal..I like when my interested in cooking and celebration of a holiday coincide...I took up the middle of the month the challenge of working on hone my practice of Wicca...Good thing come when I try to be diligent but even as an athlete I always needed down after intense activity..Daily one develops a idea of what is really going with ones self. I have left off bakhti and study to read and the book I choose was one recommended on a feminist site...It is called a Strange Piece of Paradise..in there is a quote "it has sometimes taken me ten years to understand even a little of some important event that happened to me. Oh I could have given a perfectly factual account of what happened but I didn't know what it meant until I the consequences" (katherine anne porter) I am at the beginning of the book and If I never finish it the book served a great purpose in my life by giving me that quote and by the author struggles in understanding a brutal assault that she was victim to.. I was assaulted brutally in youth but that is not what Is a defining moment to me in life the one that put me at odds with what my mother wanted me to be and that the family demand I believe...that had a more mundane and banal touchpoint...It was a moment in religion class at school on staturday...We were to investigate the altar and the instruments that were used in making communion wine and cutting the bread...I was excited because there talk on the news about altar girls in other religions and I maybe when I was older I could serve...But the church doesnot want women to serve the want them to submit...The boys went into the altar room and girl were told because they were unclean they could ..not..Maybe we really did not understand then we were to young to understand why we unclean just that we would bleed. I told the teacher boys bleed when hit in the nose and got patronized by the female teacher. This was bad women bleeding she strongly reiterated... Essentially that day the power structure was erected at the recesses the boys became more aggressive and violent in teasing and also more arrogant...It was easy to see boys that used play no longer could be bothered because they were better the teacher and church said so...Of course the word unclean wasnot understood until when at twelve puberty was ushered in....I can honestly say I truely hate my mother placing me in that situation and environment...I can truely say I hate the church destroying a part of that bold child and making her modest pure and shy... My mother I forgive because she was brainwashed but the church is an entity political and socially they I never have to forgive because>I am free as a Pagan no god coerces me to forgive a corrupt institution, that remains corrupt.. Of man made religion I do not believe any are the truth..Some saints and holy people might of been good and full of sanctity but served corrupt masters and I doubt they sit in paradise...When a religion cannot tell it followers that half its adherents are human being with unalienable rights like (THAT WOMEN ARE PEOPLE LIKE MEN) THAT THEY HAVE IN THERE LITERATURE RULES ON HOW TO BE A GOOD MASTER when you own slave the owning of humans as property as male servant or female family member is bullshit and taking 1900 years to figure it out is bullshit your prophets and church father were losers who need a gimmick to get in power They arenot great wonderful and enlightened beings because they ignorant and blind - Socrates had greater sanctity that christ and that bunch///If you think that the rights you have now were given to you by christ or allah or buddha you are a fool YOU ARE NOT ENLIGHTENED BUT A POLITICAL TOOL. of political entities that wish to turn back the clock to the place when they could physically own you.

blessed be from the Hinterlands.

peace

well I was on pagan news site and one of the writers was castigating the pagans for not en masse writing the pastor of a burned out baptist church to offer condolences as a Group of adolescent Satanists burnt it down and he (the pastor) needed to drag the pagans good name into brouhaha..Basically the peacefull person implying that our indignation at being falsely accused of a crime is one of the reasons we are to blame for our own discrimination- is this peaceful person a outed pagan or a brain-dead buddhist. It does not work this way especially in the Bible Belt...But again we pagans are walking along in life and blamed for a horror...or a demented teenager calling themselves a Wiccan goes of the deep end and kills someone or ruins porperty suddenly joe-blow pagan in Poughkeepsie must buy a condolence card and send it. Whyfore??? Too repair our reputation..When local Catholic kid down the block goes dinghy or protestant kid it is never implied that the religion is to blame and if it was the screaming of the church of libel would be so loud it would drown out all condolences of the perps family. If an idiot pastor and he is an idiot needs to show the world his ignorance so be it...If pagans want to bitch about the idiots ignorance so be it...But do not confuse brown nosing with being superior in enlightenment and peacefull vibes...

such a liitle thing

Today I went awanderin I went walking at the lake to do my daily walk. The Sky was overcast and for the hour and 20 minutes it promised to rain> I love a stormy sky and it is one of the reasons I love the plains...If texas could accomadatingly flood and kansas be scrunched into a mountain range it would be more perfect here than in california...But the plains are the steppes of AMerica and to me it calls to some ancient nomadic genes...Both sides of my family where steppe dwellers the european and the asian sides...I hate the Heat of summer but I love winter and I love it especially if spring and summer are wet. What is great about the lake is that with the democrats in control of the city...they have adopted a policy of allowing large swathes of the land in the park to return to native species of foliage...with this has come a return of many bird species and so the park is alive...With the abundance of rabbit this season, the wild cats are leaving the birds alone...For three years the plains have been in drought and now the lake is full...When the rains started to come and the lake filled up people began arriving to fish at night after work young men and couples were showing up...The geese are back and it is most beautiful, I am most thankful to the storm gods for their generosity. I was walking and I felt A great deal of happiness and as I walked and got my exercise...Out of the bottom of my brain came the thought thank Goddess I am fat....At that moment I had a appreciation for being a Fatty...Why would I have such a heretical thought??? What blasphemy is this???Why even young feminists would rather be oppressed than fat...Being fat proves I do not have the discipline to be truely radical and strong...Sorry I am obese and I cannot run the perequisite 10 miles a day that ran as young woman but I can bench-press 100 pounds and high-row 95 pounds and amaze the trainers at our gym when my husband runs me through my weight lifting routine...The equation of fat and weak by the slenderati is a funny one. When it comes to weight lifting I have never lifted at such high weight when thin. I might not be fast but I am not weak...I am very lucky that in my life I have lived fat, thin and fragile. I have been ill in thiness and in obesity....I am not brain dead I do wish to weigh less but I am no longer tormented by that wish...The tyranny of slenderness is gone and no I am not what society says is a normal weight(a living coat hanger for clothes size with hugemongous boobs)...Nor am I the healthy weight bigot size normal( you can weight as much as your grandmother did at 20, forgetting that the depression and wwII food scarcity had a great deal todo with the svelte figure) Which means you screwed unless you look like marilyn Monroe or Scarlett Johansson...The thing is that being slender is a terrible thing if you are like 98 percent of society and do not heave coal for a living and come from famine prone countries or your ancestors did. Fat is only bad now because it is a feature prominent to poor people...If tomorrow every fat person could genetically remove from themselves and their descendants the fat genes in them...Rich people and the middle class would be mainlining cool whip...Fatty porn would be enshrined in playboy and CAmeron Manheim and Kristy Alley would be fashion Icons.... The slenderati really do not have fat people interest at heart and Having been slenderati it is simply spite and jealousy that informs their action and beliefs...To say fat people donot care about their health is ludicrous I know many that refuse to smoke or quit smoking for reasons of health. I do not see amongst the slender such health motivation as many smoke to make not eating palatable...But the most Ironic is that the more of a pain in the ass you are to the fat ones the greater is the occurance of you becoming a Fatty as you age...Oh low is level and the pride of the formerly slender and now fat...But If one can put aside the self loathing and disgust in oneself that western society demands from fatsos... there are perks... Men do not hit on you continuely especially when they see the ring on your finger...(what ever made men think putting a ring on a finger of a woman would magically make her out of bounds and they think Harry Potter people are gullible)... no nasty remark and cat-calls walking down the street...No one wants to Fuck with a angry fat woman and Buffalo Bill withstanding serial killers are afraid of fat women...That is why they do not kill their obnoxious female relatives...So there is a joy to being fat and if you exercise diligently and wisely alot of physical ailments of fatness are negated.... Will the charming sexist bastards want to date you??? no!!! even if they are in to fatties image is all to them, but who cares that is another plus and a major one it prevents heartache and divorce and being taken to the cleaners Fat people of the world unite....No longer allow the Elitist Slenderati to control your happiness and self- love....And enjoy your meal...

internet puzzles

When I am on the internet and then off it for a while I am amazed at some new trick I am able to do...Of course the new trick usually has something to do with selling something and I can rarely ever repeat it if I wish to...But these little things to someone as illiterate as I am with a computer are what makes the internet seem like A large Chinese Puzzle box... It is part of the allure of it... I went to a function at the unitiarian church and I saw something there that I am beginning to see at the VA Hospital...Veterans that are usually the most conservative in faith and political beliefs are becoming radicalized...Unlike the sixties were liberals attacked them as conservatives exploited them ...Many soldiers are seeing that they have been recruted to fight a Holy war that they did not sign up for...Deep cynicism from people that do not publicly criticize authority >show they are unsettled ...Growing up in a country that has freedom of religion and a separation of church and state, then living and fighting in countries that are theocratic dictatorships has opened many eyes. I am much relieved and heartened by this turn as it means that the evangelizing of the military is losing strength under the reality of soldiers seeing eexactly what it is like for people to live in a Theocracy. In this way the fundies of america have lost momentum...I feel that the turning of America into a christian Theocracy is lost and I must say that I am ashamed that I doubted the common sense of the common man..The fundies have been waving a theocratic USA in front of the growing numbers of disenfranchised working class and middle classs as a cure to their socio-economic ills, like a carrot that is rotten in the inside but still looks fresh and nourishing....The Iraq WAr is a major blunder on their part as young working class and middle class men and women are returning to the U S in droves now dissaffected from religious absolutism...I believe that all things can be made into a force for good... Maybe this war with Iraq was necessary for americans to wake up and get over their flirting with religious Absolutism...I once had a Psych prof that stated before one can accept a new mode of behaving or belief, one would inevitably relapse in old patterns, behaviours and beliefs before growing and moving on healthier beliefs and habits... I view the growth of the Religious fundamentalism as that a relapse in immature and unhealthy belief in the divine ...All I can do is pray for the indigenous societies around the world that they survive the onslaught of the attention of these religious entities. merrie part from the hinterlands.

philosphy and Pagans

Well again another movement is afoot to legitimize the Pagan or Wicca religion. We must forthwith develop a body of wisdom to charm the world into taking us seriously..I have read alot of christian philosophy as a child and young Adult and I believe it was the arguement over Hallelujiah and Allelulia that got me to throw up me hands up in disgust and start checking out eastern Philosophy..My opinion after years of reading Philosophy of the religious bent is that it is Bullshit and Mental masturbation for people of these religions and various sects. All this literature in so-called philosophy allows christian countries to practice paternalistic toletarianism with laws that favor those who read the philosophy while explaining away the vicious mysogny and abuse of children and disenfranchised male..Keep the Idealistic ones reading church philosophy that way their attention will not be on human rights..It is the same in buddhist countries read this High-faulutin' stuff and ignore slavery around you and the rampant mysogny. The pagan religion is popular because it lacks a body of work because this lack allows one to live with their formation of a spiritual path if pagan wanted a body of philosophy they would of remained in mainstream religion and continued to mentally jack off to sacred literature.

JOY OF MOVEMENT

Kneel and Kiss the Ground (yoga dreams) I wish not to kneel I want to raise my arms upward in exhaltation I wish to bow and touch the ground I want to touch the heavens with my palms

I wish to lay prostrate on the earth I want to dissolve into the earth Be part of her pregnant beauty

I wish to hail the night sky I want to exhalt the cosmos Be a one of starlight I want to root my feet into the earth I want to sail my heart unto the moon May my body bridge the immanent and the trancedent Cleansing my soul before all consciousness and all existence. 5-8-07 Sophia M There has only been 3 activities I have done in life where I have almost felt A one with existence as though the I of Sonia left and the we of existence had entered me and none of those activities were meditation or ritual..They were long-distance running, long distance Backpacking and yoga..Long distance running was a lesson in ecstasy, the glory of movement and the joy discipline, Long distance backpacking was the experience of mindfulness and experience the physical world in the now and the beauty of mindfullness and patience, endurance and a sense accomplishment in the now. Melded with the beauty of nature and the Mother., Yoga after years of illness is a return into the body and joy of movement and the wonder of a recovering body..I suppose that when it comes to spiritual experiences I am a physical and hands on girl>that is probably why being a pagan is so rewarding a religious vocation to me... It is a hands on religion in interaction in a physical sense is demanded from drumming to dancing up energy it demands action instead of observing liturgy and trying to decipher church slavonic...Like when I am driving down the street passing inane signs of dubious spiritual value I will break out in gratitude and Sing THANK GODDESS I AM A PAGAN GIRL..

web wanderings

I was web wandering and came up on a site Radical Goddess Thealogy in it she mentions the Bull dancers of the ancient minoan culture and the fact that modern matadors say that it is an impoosibility to do what is recorded in the ancient friezes in the ruins in Crete.. I suppose to a modern matador who is in combat with the modern bull would find it hard to imagine a bull allowing such liberties from a human... But a matadors job is to torment a bull to death not to dance on a bull in a religious/entertainment ritual. theirs, the matadors, is a death and tormnet of an animal entertainment like rodeo but withthe extra kick of death at the end. What if the bull dancer had raised the bull since a calf training it to accept the jumping of the dancer on his back, to be taught that the grabbing of the horns is a game as the bull tosses the dancer over himself knowing he will land hopefully safely.. I would think that bull dancing would be a team effort of the dancers and bull, a bit like the trained Lippizaner horses of Austria that cavort and jump with riders seated on them.. These bull would be selectively bred the way Lippizaners where for the talent of bull dancing.. It was probably a dangerous entertainment more for the human than the bull, but not one that is unimaginable... I donot think a Matador is someone to ask about the probablilty of bull dancing as their experience is with bull killing.

Oh Bull by Mark W. Atwood

BEE MOON

Well the next Full Moon needs to be named the Bee Moon as many will be doing rituals to help the flagging bee colonies here in the UsA. It is something that has been worrying me and my partner and We have both decided to do a ritual on the evening of the full moon instead of waiting until circle on the saturday after It is to important an issue and the full moon night needs to be used completely. The last few days I have been adding to my collection of indoor plants for my ritual room and for the last two days have been hand sewing new curtains. This week will see the completion of the re-decorating and reorginazation of the home and I can spend summer workin on the outdoors and the gardens. So the next few days will be spent investigating and investing in helping the Bees and This weeek I will be as busy as a bee.

oh heil

My partner calls the new Pope "the Nazi' I of course wanted to give the man a chance but, yet again, I must bow to my companions strong intuitive sense when it comes to smelling out a new media personality. I call the Pope a media personality because I am Pagan and barley tolerate so-called Pagan leadership let alone other religious people bosses..I must say that the man started out with a bang leaving the gate with the Annoucement that PAGANS caused the Holocaust..This must have been a great surprise to Hilter sitting in some bardo or maybe he was a fly on the wall when they came up with that angle at the Conference for absolving Christianinity for past crimes. In true form he went on to state in Brazil that Indegenous people where praying to be enslaved and introduced to christ.. Thus now are offended all the indigenous people who are still kissing up to the church with hope that in doing so they will win a political ally for social justice. Thus proving to the brazilians that are returning to indigenous faith that they were right in their asessment of the church...No longer do they have to worry, the Pope has proved their suspiscions were correct as is their decision to return to their original faith..In going conservative I believe that the church is in the long term losing the battle for the Hearts and mind by playing to the religico-fascists in their midst. AS for the Pagans creating the Holocaust evilbible.com has a article written by a german whose grandparents were SS. and father a Hitler Jungen on Hitlers true religious beliefs in Hitlers own words. .. My parents were both in Germany during the war one set as slave labour the other as refugees.. I never heard them blame the huge germanic pagan hoard for WW2..I did hear some cussing of Catholics and Lutherans when it came to cupability

mother's day

Well today is Mother's Day and I find it a sad day..The preceding saw me in a horrible temper driving my poor partner mad but he started the eruption of Mt. Sonia. I find that today I need to take a rest from energy work and meditation.. I need to allow my subconscious to precolate and let my emotions settle..I do not believe that my departed mother and my relationship with her will ever have closure..She was not a woman one could reason with and in her final years I found that showing her or getting her to understand the amount of torment her raising of me engendered within me, impossible..She was old and helpless, she would never realize what she did wrong and it was to late to fix the damage..I Do not like to torment old people with their mistakes, because they do not have the time repair the damage..Most of them do not feel that what they did or believed was wrong..INvariable the problem becomes you and the need for you to get to church and not their belief system. Well I hope that other people Mother's Days are better.. I will be lunching with the in-laws I am not looking forward to that..so my partner will need to bribe me with plants to adopt for my indoor and outdoor garden..I am enjoying my brief foray in the territory of the terrible twos of the middle-aged.. merrie part from the hinterland ( one day civilization will reach us) or better (the indigenous peoples will take over again)

The elusive nature of spells

I had an interesting discussion with my husband about the nature of magick, spells and hexxes..My husband doesnot do magick aside from an occasional healing circle or holiday spell at circle..His magickal abilities are channeled into his art that he creates..I ask him if he wished to have a hex on a person negated would he break it or return it to the source. ..I was for breaking it because I figured that returning it would be bad karma...but my husband goes "no definately return it" as it is a living thing the spell or hexx...That was the first time that Thought of a spell or hexx as a living being but I could see were he was coming from the hexx is made of energy and thus could be alive to send it back to the source allows the orginator of the spell or hexx to have the chance to rehabilitate the hexx...thus what ever singnature energy the originator has infuused the spell with is not harmed and returned the original owner...But what if spells are a living entity or alive the way bacteria or viruses are is it ethical to use them to do our bidding or are they just like yogurt cultures beneficial to mankind or like viruses a danger..these things are percolating in my mind I see in my minds eyes spells roaming the nethersphere like small dragons going to appointed destinations...Now that is something to visualize when raising energy.. merrie part from the hinterlands...

BELTANE

Well the spring has sprung and beltane is here for months I have been redecorating and getting past negative influences out of the house and I have reached the 3/4 mark in finishing the house... for right now with the holidays bursting and bustling around I have taken a vacation from grade A professional house cleaning I am doing this spring..I have returned to bakhti and meditation work and I am picking up my needlework and going to the gym to take care of myself> My dead line is to start in early june to push to finish cleaning the house and also I need to start my magickal parctice and studies...I went to Barnes and Noble and found two grand books on sale and after I do my requisite 2-hour stitching I will open them up and divine new knowledge..One of the books is a translation of the Book of the dead that my husband has jealously appropriated<> he loves anything ancient egyptian, the other book is by Phyllis Currott.. I have been able to start fine tuning my diet as I work to the goal of becoming a vegetarian again and my husband the carnivore has been enjoying the change in having vegg days and meat days again.. Beltane was celebrated on saturday this past weekend and my partner and I are quite enjoying becoming part of the Cuups community..It is easier when dealing with relatives of his for him to cop to being a unitarian that way strange ministers do not show up on our doorstep along with pamphlets in the mail and membership to tele-evanglist clubs that occured when he copped to being a buddhist..So being a Pagan has grown into a path that grows more beautiful and beneficent with each passing season..what started in youth as thumbing ones nose at society has in maturity become a belief and lifestyle of such comfort and joy that is impposible to deny ones soul once this path is started. The beauty of this spring is no better shown than in my peonies that bloomed in time to become part of the holiday gift offering to the gods.. Merrie part from the hinterlands Goodpoint; holidays are good for women and man. pagan HOLIDAYS are good animals and pets ALSO as my cat Sumo is purring to put on this blog

"The VA SAys" BFD

VA accepted the pentacle BFD It will still be a fight to see it on a stone or to see a Wicca or pagan officiate at a funeral in a military cemetary as in Indian country they cannot seem to find a buddhist to officiate at one of their burials...My father after spending weeks getting pamplets exhorting him to find christ before he died needed to suffer a christian chaplain at his burial... Buddhist are just too exotic down here in Indian country..The VA has never ever accepted in conservative parts of the country any religion but Christianity and barely tolerates Judaism.. In liberal parts of the country they just keep their mouths shut and do the chrisitian thing... This is the truth of the VA...Here where I live they do not even practice bare civility when speaking to you, the Hospital Chaplains...My husband told one he was pagan and believed in a higher power for his trouble in explaining his belief He got an AT LEAST YOU BELIEF THAT as though he were a Spiritual Slacker///And that is what we are viewed as by these christian soldier chaplains as spiritual slacker in danger going spiritually Awol and thus should not be encouraged as we are a Bad Discipline risk.... Then you just have the stupid VA nurses and doctors who see a pentacle on your neck and refuse to run tests on you in the Emergency room and send you home to come back on Monday.. In the process pissing off your primary doctor who doesnot know you wear a pentacle...Before Hillary it was impossible to get good care at the VA if you were a Woman,,But the Clintons took care of that...Now with the Bush administration it is Hard to get good care if you Belong to a religion not of a Montheistic Bent...The back lash of being a AcKnowledge Pagan and in the VA system is not worth the aggravation and Possible dangers of lax medical care.. But maybe now we can give them the bird by having a pentacle on our graves, but like I said I will believe having a pentacle is possible when I see one where my father is buried and If it is true and they honor the law without digging their heels in... Then I be buried there and my husband also, but like I said when I see it in action then I will believe it.. merry part from the provinces.... Bad point: Just because they say you can do it does not mean they will put it on the the stone or keep it on the stone.... The VA promises veterans bullshit every day you are in the system it does not mean they are going to give it to you.....Disabled VEt realitiy lesson one...

blast of a gothic songstress

I have been staying away from the news the last few days and spending time working on simple things like energy raising and bhakti to my personal Gods..I also have been on the internet trolling. To my great delight I discovered a bunch of Lene Lovich and Kate Bush clips and I am in Hog heaven..Lene Lovich is the original Queen of Goth and I loved her music in the late 70's..I was introduced to her before MTV existed on a Music Show that came on after mid-night on Friday on Channel 13 in Los Angeles it was devoted to the new medium of music videos...Out of them all she was striking in visuals and costume techno-rock with a slavic flavoring and being 1/2 slavic I was mesmerized..>I am enjoying the dip back into my disreputable youth that the internet is alllowing me ...I need to state a hearty thank you to the techno-Goddesses and Gods for the internet..Without it I would not have the pleasant distraction that rediscovering Lene it has allowed me. ...Again I need to state a hearty thank you to techno-Goddesses and Gods for the internet...Without iT I would be dwelling on unpleasantaries instead havin a blast from the past time.. Merry part the Provinces Good point: the internet can be abused but it also gives a great deal enjoyment.

I feel That in life most people do not get the respect they deserve it seems as though death is necessary for many to be appreciated and some times in death those that should be forgotten are canonized when they should be vilified.. the students and teachers at VA tech should be canonized and lionized because they are a the victims in a world were collateral damage is accepted.. We must have our guns so these people are the drive -by victims of our insane love for powerful and destructive toys.. I have nothing against someone owning a winchester or a handgun if they were in the army or received training... I do believe that owning a gun needs to become a priveledge and not a right.. just as having a child should be viewed a gift from the goddess and not the thing every one does at a certain time of their life.. These people deserve prayer and devotion and in the next 90 days as their souls acclimate to death we should light candles to light their way or nightlight if unable to light candles and pray that they are guided to the heaven of their souls home or to a auspiciuos new life and pray that they are at peace. I hope that the mentally ill gunman is helped in death as he was not able to be help here on this plane..I hope those that tried to help the victims and the prepatrator continue to be of service to people and not be discouraged by the final outcome of these events.. Tragedy occur in life frequently and must be studied to learn from but one cannot simply us this a political ploy to prove your beliefs are right whether conservative or liberal...People will be bitter but the victim and the prepatrator must helped with prayer and the friends and family comforted...I honestly believe if we study the tragedy first and then assign blame after first seeing to the honoring of the dead. I wish that when something like this happens there be a moritorium on comments from politicians and committee formed to see what caused the event... Everyone will have an opinion on this in the end..I stated mine above..We need to move beyond opinion to solution and see that the mentally ill receive help and that these things do not happen again... thank you and merry part from the hinterlands...

betrayal Rethought or Bloudeuwedd's crime?

I was thinking about the Welsh goddess Bloudeuwedd, the beautiful one, the one conjured from the most beautiful of things, flowers... she is the betrayer, her story is of betrayal....I know of Her from the welsh legend of the Sun Gods unfaithful wife, at face value it is a domestic drama the legend of female villainy... but that is face value.. the legend tells of how Bloudeuwedd was created to only pleasure and love the Sun God Her existence and destiny was as A male God's sexual Object of pleasure... The Legend is not a to be taken at face value no myth or legend should be..the betrayal is not that of the Sun God by a unfaithful consort but as the betrayal of Bloudeuwedd... in creating her for one purpose her autonomy has been destroyed as a play thing. She is given no free will and thus this story is something that patriarchal men do not understand...Lugh gives her no choice he has betrayed her right as a being to free will thus he pays in making her his slave with his life...It is Ironic that her price for killing her spouse is to be changed into an owl, and given the wings to alight and find the freedom of flight...The envy of mankind for millenia... So is she betrayer, or betrayed, is she punished or set free ultimately that is in the Eye of the Beholder. It is a story do not raise your daughters to be wives, mothers or handmaidens only. Allow them to choose their destiny, biology is not destiny. Raise them to be Human with hopes and dream and a wish to create with life, not clay to be molded into a vessel for someone else...For not to do so can lead to dire and fatal consequences... Merrie Part from the provinces.....

Oh holy bullshit, more Fundie Frolics and Imus

I really have been working hard at getting the house done before the Solstice season is coming we expect to have a secular party in the summer to celebrate the renovation of the house...And I want to have a good fire festival outside to bring in the summer.. if spring ever comes back....While I was painting Christianne Amanpour my favorite journalist came on CNN with a report on England's battle with radical religious extermists...It was depressing then when I stop for the day I needed really to hear from nutcase female religious extremists of xian persuasion talk about how our female soldiers are disrespecting the female sex and motherhood by doing their duty to their country and agreeing with the President of Iran about How women need to be treated in a taliban way to protect the children and motherhood...THESE XIAN FUNDIE WOMEN ARE TRAITORS TO THEIR SEX AND COUNTRY...//// At a time when the ranks of the military are stretched to the breaking point they expect female soldiers to decamp because the Iranian president sneered at us for having women dress in pants let alone carry guns...This is a man that had to financially negotiate to even get married and to a girl-child he never met and we need to worry about his opinion...At a time when every soldiers is needed these conservative republican women are proposing that we cripple our military in a way that not even a radical terrorist could achieve.. Taking battle ready and harden female soldiers and replace them with what air or maybe Death row convicts... As much as I believe that pacifism the ultimate expression of sanctity, as is veganism I am neither but I am traveling in that direction but this life I am not going to become a Female with a Gandhi like life and character but I know that is the direction to follow in my future incarnations. That being said, These fundie women state that WE women are being degraded by learning to protect ourselves and our country from radical terrorists, that the wise Iranian president's government helps fund... That said female soldiers would be better serving America by passively staying at home becoming civilian targets,they and their children.Like all these Fundie women who support the war but are pure too sully their hands by actively protecting their children or maybe the new color of purity for conservative fundie Women is not White but the color yellow... Good thing Especially for my husband no more IMUS my husband hated him and is now in seventh heaven at his firing...But Imus debate is not about freedom of speech but about calling a bunch of women who were doing nothing political or socially that was outrageous nasty names and being that rude is something that society needs to stop. Good Lady! America collectively swooned over nipple with a pasty on it..Calling a group of Innocent bystanders nasty racial slur should not be tolerated and common decency won this time... Bad point: Religious Fundies they even stick up for each other and get Ideas from each other even when they belong to different religions and are at war with each other. Good point: Shock Jocks and political pundit boobs need to be reigned in every time they go over board to learn circumspection and discretion like the teenage delinquets they act like....What Imus said offends me more than A nipple but in the bible belt that is a rare opinion as the n-word is only something that white people wish they could still use and are jealous that black americans use amongst themselves.

The dragons have come with omens

It was a surprise on Friday when My husband and I alighted to the nearest Lowes to find a Curtain rod, the decorative kind and to look at plants to adopted into my house garden and outside garden....It was surreal as snow flakes blew lightly around.. INside Lowes was pandemonium as workers rushed around to save spring offerings of plants covering the garden sections with tarps and hauling in movable displays into aisles that never have plants displayed in them.. I live in a part of the country that loves to obsess about signs, omens and prophecies...They do not take to heart the admonishment in the bible, that they love to tell you they read all the time, "about a vain and harlotish age vainlessly looking for signs and omens", while their god stands around ignoring them as he taps his foot... To me it looked like a very good sign that Gaia was fighting the fever of Global Warming with a bout of the chills...Of course I needed to state the obvious to my husband that this freak of a weather, a return of frost and snow flurries in April, would be taken by the yahoos as a sign that global warming was propaganda...I acheived great feat of divination on my part as for as we walked, the gallery walk, that night in chilly glory an acquaintance needed to inject it into a conversation and tomorrow on sunday brunch it will be brought up to cow my husband and my liberal eco-friendly political beliefs.. They will never bring up how unsual the weather is just "ugh uh it's cold can't be any global warming". I wish divining Lotto winning number could be done this easily.. But the Goddess of domesticity smiled on my Friday A whole bunch of stuff, of dragon themed variety was 90% off on sale on the clearance racks I saw that As a good omen that the house spirits and Goddess were happy with the Face lift the inside of the house is receiving with me painting the dowstairs... This job has consumed me for weeks and with physical labour and the cold weather the arthritis in the back has returned but Yoga keeps it at bay and the pain is a nuisance and not debilitating as pre-yoga...FOR A GOOD BOOK ON YOGA AND RELIEF IN BACK PAIN RELIEF IS IN THE STRETCH by Loren Fishman M.D. the book is a lifesaver to anyone with a bad back.. bye from the provinces and us provincials.